Friday, February 14, 2014

A reason to celebrate!

Last year I wrote about why I struggle so much with Valentine's day, a holiday I used to adore until heartbreak  made it lose its luster.

Today, my heart is celebrating the love of all people.  In a historic and important step in our history, Virginia IS for Lovers.

Recently I wrote to a dear friend --

Hi Friend,

I've been thinking about the particular challenges and judgement you face that extend beyond what most of us moms experience, both because you are lesbian and because you've adopted a child.   I want to point out to you a different perspective...........

I am so grateful for you - for your family.  I wish that my kids saw families like yours more often.  I wish they saw families like yours, because you are living, breathing examples of the values we're working so hard to instill in our children.  I use that word very deliberately - values - because of the weight it carries in other contexts.  I value the diversity of your family:  two moms; an adopted child; a multi-ethnicity family.  I value that you demonstrate the truth of what we teach our children, that families come in all different packages: some have two moms, or two dads; some have a single parent; some have a mom and a dad; some kids are born into a family and others are adopted, but all families have a commitment to one another, and a commitment to loving each other no matter what.  

Recently, Pax and Leo were playing with Little People, and it evolved into some kind of elaborate game of house.  Pax and Leo both wanted to be the dad, and the start of an argument began, until Leo exclaimed, "Wait a minute, we can both be the dads!  Some families have two daddies!"  Peace was instantly restored and the game continued quite merrily... all because of their clear understanding of what constitutes a family.

Do you have any idea how much my heart swelled to hear that?  How grateful I am that they are able to effortlessly articulate their acceptance?  How in that moment, I appreciated yet another facet of our friendship?  And how, in that moment, I envisioned an entire lifetime where they will continue to speak up and speak out for what they value and know to be true...

And so the next time you face judgement - perceived or real - remember my gratitude for you, for your family - diverse in composition but unified in love.  My kids are better people because of it.


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