I resolve...

...not to make any New Year's resolutions. Except perhaps one, which I will have to think of... last year, my (only) resolution was to perform the self-cleaning oven function on our oven. Ever since I've owned a kitchen (7 years, 9 if you include ones in college) the self-cleaning thing has terrified me: It gets so hot! So smelly! How does it really clean, doesn't it just burn? I can't leave the house, yet I don't want to be there... the weather has to be nice, because the windows have to be open... but it can't be too hot, because the oven will make things even hotter. We can't have guests over soon afterwards because of the smell... and I better have something "stovetop" planned for dinner.... so the pressures of last year's resolution were almost too great. It took me until early September to make good on my resolution...

2009 looks to be a big year for us. I am filled with excitement for the changes yet I also feel somewhat anxious and unsettled. In May, Jeff graduates and will have his RN. He accepted a scholarship that binds him to begin working as a nurse within 90 days of graduation, and he expects to start in June. The job change is huge, as his normal, somewhat flexible hours of 9 to 5 will be drastically different as he works a series of 12- or occasional 8- hour shifts, days, nights, and weekends. This will be a big adjustment, for sure, but we will actually have more flexibility and time together than before, which is, of course, a wonderful thing. In August, Aidan starts kindergarten. I know that he will positively love school, that he will be very successful, that he will be reading and publishing stories and making lots of friends. But I also know the transition will be tough. The days are long - 5 full school days each week - and I think he will be absolutely exhausted for awhile. As it was at the beginning of this preschool year, I still feel the constant battle in my heart between wanting him safe under my wing and wanting to push him to fly higher and higher. And it is our great hope that 2009 will bring at least one other big change to our lives, but I don't like to count my chickens before they hatch, literally and figuratively, so that's all I'll say on that.

Back to my one resolution - I'm open to suggestions here. I used to have this list of things I wanted to accomplish, but I think I made it too easy - 1. learn to make a killer cheesecake; 2. learn a lot about Canadian geese; 3. jet ski; 4. ride on a deer through the woods....

Hmm... maybe I should stick to no resolution at all, seeing as how the deer thing might not pan out all that well. On that note - I found this quote in 2005, well before Jeff had begun his nursing degree and I had started grad school:

"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential." -Ellen Goodman (Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist)

And then recently, I read this passage in Maya Angelou's Letter to My Daughter [given to me by my mom, appropriately] and it resonated deeply with me:
"The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow.
Today I am blessed."

2009 has the potential to be a really terrific year. And I shall maintain an attitude of gratitude. I am, indeed, blessed.

Happy 2009!!